Discontent

A large portion of my consciousness is spent dwelling on what might have been and what might could be only if. Everyone dreams. Everyone envies. But I am so very tired of being filled with loathing for my current situation. For coveting another's marriage. Another's financial station. I used to be so much more content. I didn't realize how fragile that contentment was.

Mortality

Selah is worried about being brave enough to go to heaven. I want my children to know about eternal life but I don't like death being on her radar.

tired

so tired of being sad. so tired of thinking that i am trying hard and having him throw it in my face how much i am not. so tired of being fat enough not to care. i love my children. i want so much better for them. don't know how to "work it out" when neither party seems willing to budge. i think he's wrong. he thinks i'm wrong. impasse.

I have been cherished and loved before. Most of my life. Is that what makes my current situation so painful? Because I know what's missing? Or is it an innate knowledge God writes on our hearts. And what about God. In my head I KNOW he loves me and cherishes me. All the evidence points to this. But how do I get that knowledge to fill me up head to toe? How do I FEEL it???

Dirty little secrets

So I admitted my toenail issue. Whatev. Small change when compared to secret sins. If my sins are such that I don't want ANY one to know them, then why do I continue than in the presence of God?

I bite and chew my toenails. It's true. Sad. But true.

Kind of excited. I just linked my blog to my phone.